By Donnie Hutchinson
As a firefighter, it’s easy to prioritize and welcome the exciting demands of the job while putting your family and health on hold. This usually does not develop into a problem unless the holding pattern never comes in for a landing. You might believe a balanced life is not possible because of your shift schedule and other work-related activities. I understand how you feel. Many firefighters I’ve met in my workshops have felt that way. However, they found they could achieve balance in all their roles in life once they understood what work-life balance (WLB) really was and what it wasn’t. I will help you create greater success at work and home through evidence-based research practices.
Let’s begin by understanding what causes our lives to go out of balance. There are three major categories of work-life conflicts. We experience time, energy, and behavior conflicts regardless of our profession, title, age, gender, or country of origin.
Time conflicts occur when we cannot be in two places at once. When at work, we are not with our families. Most of us have experienced time conflicts negatively affecting our families when we are absent from special family gatherings or events.
Firefighters experience energy conflicts because the job can be physically and mentally draining. We’re often depleted of energy by the end of our shift. We then travel home to our spouse and children, who want our attention and energy, yet we have little to none to give. This lack of energy usually spills over into irritableness and less tolerant behaviors, which our family does not welcome.
The behavioral conflicts arise when the behaviors needed to perform well on the job are not necessarily the best behaviors to use with our spouses, teenagers, or young children. We don’t do this on purpose; it’s just that we are well-practiced in our work behaviors.
Work-Life Balance
WLB has many definitions and beliefs that are incompatible and outdated. I define WLB in the context of a question: “Are your daily behaviors in alignment with your priorities in life?” (It’s important to read that question slowly.) If so, you are probably feeling good and a have sense of balance. If not, you probably feel like something is off and out of balance. My experience from training thousands of firefighters in workshops is that many haven’t taken the time to pause and consider their priorities in life. If you are one of them, no worries. I will help you rediscover who and what is important in your life.
It is important to note there are two universal priorities that most people put at the top of their list: good health and close family relationships. Self-care is how well we take care of our health. Evidence-based research shows that effectively managing your self-care is a prerequisite that promotes WLB.
Self-Care
Self-care consists of effectively managing your physical, psychological, social, and spiritual needs. These are universal needs; every human on earth requires these to some degree or another. However, the demands of firefighting put an extra emphasis on one’s self-care needs. Some of our physical needs include nutrition, exercise, sleep, and hydration. Our psychological, emotional needs include having someone to talk to regarding critical incidents, using peer support, and talking with a culturally competent therapist. Social needs include spending time with friends and other close personal relationships. Prayer, meditation, and spending time in nature are ways to meet your spiritual needs.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), improper management of our self-care can lead to catastrophic preventable diseases that harm individuals, families, and organizations. Problems with heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, certain types of cancers, and a low quality of life are related to obesity and preventable. The deadly harm these preventable diseases have inflicted on the population has unfortunately been very evident during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Self-Care Within Firefighters
A positive and healthy cultural change of managing our self-care more effectively has taken place over the past decade. Fire department leaders, firefighter education and training organizations, and researchers are all involved in sharing evidence-based research to improve firefighters’ self-care practices.
Cardiovascular disease, cancer, and behavioral health issues are among the greatest challenges to firefighter health and well-being, as many local, state, national, and international educational, health, and wellness conferences and academic research findings suggest. My research suggests that improper self-care management can lead to WLB issues that exacerbate the negative outcomes for firefighters and their families. So, what we can we do about it is begin to align our daily behaviors with our life priorities.
Priorities in Life
Regarding the priorities in life, most firefighters list their family and health as their two top priorities. How have you really made your family members a priority in your life and in your daily behaviors? How have you failed to make your family your priority in your life and in your daily behaviors? If health is a stated priority, how have you prioritized or failed to prioritize your diet, your exercise, your hydration, and your sleep? Our daily behaviors demonstrate and reveal our priorities in life regardless of whether we acknowledge these priorities. The verbal statements we make to our loved ones and to ourselves express our desires, but our daily actions reveal our actual lived priorities. You can begin immediately in adjusting your daily behaviors to align with your stated priorities in life. Please note, time is not always on your side; I call it the Window of Time.
Window of Time
“Best start putting first things first. Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand, you can’t flip it over and start again. Take every breath God gives you for what it’s worth.”— Kenny Chesney, “Don’t Blink.”
The lyrics to this song hit me like a brick. Time is a funny thing. The days are sometimes very long, yet the years fly by. I will share with you my concept of Windows of Time through the example of my youngest daughter.
Hannah is a senior in high school. I have already graduated three children, and Hannah is my last one. Two of my daughters went off to college, and my son joined the army and spent his military time with the 82nd Airborne. Today, my son is a firefighter. It’s challenging to have daily interaction with my three older children. My Window of Time for daily interaction with them in the home had closed when they left the home. My opportunity or Window of Time with Hannah to have daily interaction with her in the home is open for one more year. Then it will close, as she will go off to college somewhere in the United States.
I often ask myself, What experiences do I want to have with Hannah while the window is still open? How many more late-night dinner conversations at the kitchen table can we have? How many more daddy-daughter dates at the local coffee shop can we have together to spend countless hours talking about her life and future? I have one more track season to watch her run, one more homecoming dance to wish her fun, and one more prom night to clean my gun—humor intended! A window of one year becomes a window of months, then weeks, then days, then hours. I know this well because I just dropped my second daughter off at college. I accomplished many things with her during her senior year because I made it a priority.
Who or what in your life has a Window of Time? Could it be with your children? Your relationship with your spouse? Your parents or grandparents? Your health? The question I have for you is, “What do you need to do now that you might not be able to do in the near future because the window closes?” If you desire to align your daily behaviors with your priorities in life, consider using your Window of Time to help you rediscover your priorities in life. You’ve got this!
Donnie Hutchinson, Ph.D., is a national work-life balance (WLB) speaker who has delivered workshops for firefighter conferences, health and wellness seminars, EMS, local fire districts, and state organizations. He is a personal life coach on WLB and is a professor at the University of Dayton, teaching leadership courses in the MBA school.
