By Anne Gagliano
What do most of us stress about? The top four are money, work, family, and health—in that order. What are 10 signs we’re stressing? Problems sleeping, pain, hair changes, stomach issues, twitching, acne, chronic colds, hormonal fluctuations, skin rashes, and abdominal fat. That’s the bad stuff–stressors and their symptoms. Now to the good stuff–what we can do about it. And this is especially important for us firefighter couples, as ours is a world of the highest levels of dangerous, traumatic stress. Such levels can erode mental and physical health and even destroy relationships. My first two tried-and-true tips in dealing with stress are exercise and prayer/meditation. Here are my remaining three:
Declutter. A cluttered, messy life adds to stress—unnecessarily. So many problems in a fire life can’t be avoided, but there are some that can be. Exhibit control when possible. And one of the best places to start just happens to be one of the simplest—decluttering.
Decluttering is twofold. The first is physical. Get rid of extra “stuff” in your house. The less mess, the less clutter, the quicker we can move and get things done. For example, when you can’t find your car keys because they’re buried in piles, your stress level rises as you frantically search and now you’re late. A cluttered work space distracts from the task at hand. And a messy bedroom is hardly a peaceful haven of rest. So, declutter as often as possible: Make several trips to charitable institutions with donations of your unneeded but still useable stuff, and make several trips to the dump with the unusable junk nobody wants. Less is more; too many “treasures” actually decrease the value of life. As you eliminate mess, so, too, will you eliminate stress.
The second way to declutter is mental. Declutter your mind to keep it healthy and less-stressed. How can you do this? By limiting sensory input. We live at the absolute height of the information age. The average American has the equivalent of 600,000 books worth of information stored in various forms like computers, smartphones, movies, and actual books. One hundred years ago, the average person was lucky to have read just 50 books in a lifetime! We are exposed to the equivalent of 174 newspapers worth of information every day; in 1986, it was just 40 newspapers a day. Modern technology is awesome in many ways, but it is, in fact, stressing us out.
Social media is particularly impactful. A British study of office workers found that when they sent or read e-mail, their heart rates, blood pressure, and cortisol levels spiked. Paul Atchley, a cognitive psychologist at the University of Kansas, adds to this concept of social media pressure when he writes: “We’re inherently social organisms. There’s almost nothing more compelling than social information which activates part of your brain’s reward system.” In other words, texting and e-mailing are compulsory and addictive.
The buzz or beep of a cell phone triggers a response unignorable; it is a stimulus that pulls you away from whatever task your brain is working on. “Every time you switch your focus from one thing to another, there’s something called a ‘switch cost.’ Your brain stumbles a bit, and it requires time to get back to where it was before it was distracted, from 15 to 25 minutes,” says Earl Miller, professor of neuroscience at MIT.
Device usage bombards our prefrontal cortex where willpower, deep thinking, and decision making occur. Studies have shown that too much texting/e-mailing shrinks gray matter in this area of the brain. Thus, focus diminishes and obsessive-compulsive disorders rise, as do anxiety and depression.
Limit time spent using these distracting, even destructive, devices. I have long since turned of the house phone to give my firefighter some uninterrupted sleep, but today we’ve gone even further. We have a “no cell phones at the table” rule. I require focus from my husband at least once a day, and the cell phone often robs me of this. I refuse to compete with the constant distraction of texts or e-mails.
Deep conversations, decisions, and work are all better accomplished without the interruptions of texts, calls, or e-mails. Declutter your life of stuff and the influx of media, and your stress levels will decrease dramatically.
Eat Like a Child. Stress makes us overeat (hence, the aforementioned belly fat). And fat makes us stress. It’s a “Catch 22.” The solution? Turn to prayer/meditation for comfort, not food. And try to eat as you once did when you were a child.
Children don’t stress about food. They eat what they want, enjoy it, play with it, then stop when they’re full. They eat with intention and attention. So must we.
Adults make about 200 decisions a day about food and drink. This can be stressful. Simplify. Stop dieting. Eat like a kid; let your stomach tell you when to eat and how much. Listen to your body. Slow down, sip, and savor. It takes 20 minutes for food to hit the bloodstream, which lets you know you are full. You can shovel a lot of food down your gullet in 20 minutes! If you slow down, not only will you eat less but you’ll enjoy it more.
Don’t eat in front of the TV, as this can cause you to “zone out” and overindulge; instead, sit down at the table with your family. Studies show people eat much less when sitting with people and chatting. The reason? They’ve slowed down.
Be wary of the pull to turn to food as a stress relief, as this is a lie that leads to becoming overweight. Eat like a kid does—only when hungry—and it will keep food and stress in their proper places.
Laugh More. Laughter really is the best medicine. It strengthens the immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects against the damaging effects of stress. It can even add years to your life. A study done in Norway showed that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh much. How can this be so?
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins. It relaxes the body for up to 45 minutes. It improves the function of blood vessels, which increases blood flow, and this is good for the heart. It even burns calories: 10 to 15 minutes of laughter burn 40 calories. Laughter lowers stress hormones (like cortisol). It inspires hope, diffuses anger, and counters depression. It prompts forgiveness and strengthens bonds with others.
Just as we “ride to the sound of the guns” in war, when battling stress, ride to the sound of laughter. Seek out funny people or fun people who make you laugh and share your sense of humor. Play games at work (my firefighter husband Mike and his crew play pickle ball) and at home. Have game night with the kids—board games that everyone can play. And make sure you laugh with your spouse every day–especially in the bedroom, as nothing can be more bonding and healing than fun and games with your one True Love.
Watch more funny shows and less depressing ones. Laugh with your family, your co-workers, your friends. And, most importantly, laugh at yourself; don’t take yourself too seriously. Those who find laughter are the most resilient to stress—even the traumatic stress of being a firefighter.
I hope my five tips help a bit. Even better, I hope you’ll think of five more!
Anne Gagliano has been married to Captain Mike Gagliano of the Seattle (WA) Fire Department for 31 years. She and her husband lecture together on building and maintaining a strong marriage.
