Relax, Don’t React for Less Stress, Better Performance, and Well-Being

Significantly, all threats are exaggerated to compel action, forcing the mind to continually focus on “there and then.” One instantly recalls past experiences of pain combined with fear and anxiety for the future. When you are relaxed, it’s much easier to stay in the “here and now.” The present moment is where happiness is, since all is peace and contentment.

Working in the fire service can be very stressful, regardless of the fireground or the political environment. You will suffer the same consequences when reacting to any perceived threat, real or imagined.

Choices

Although your reaction to threats is automatic and subconscious, you can manage it. Moreover, you have a choice, even though seems impossible; it depends on how you interpret the available information.

All responses offer a choice; the events themselves are neutral. There is no conspiracy by the universe or life itself. Attitude and actions in the mind are triggered, which shape behaviors and actions. For example, consider past pain. The event isn’t there anymore; it may even be something the mind constructed for whatever reason. If that perceived pain causes subsequent suffering, that’s a choice.

All is not lost. The brain’s neural pathways are superhighways for habits you have practiced over decades. Once you are aware something important has happened, you have a choice to carve out a new future. The same applies to stress; for every single component described in this model, you have a choice.

Awareness

Awareness is at the model’s center; it’s the key to dealing with stress. It’s so powerful and so simple but so easily ignored in the bombardment of thoughts and feelings.

Self-observation can determine your awareness of the thought or feeling, which is distinct from the sensation of it. Your awareness of the pain is not the pain. It also applies to other negative emotions—e.g., anxiety or loneliness. This perspective shift means that no matter how bad the feeling, a part of you deep inside knows it’s possible get through it. Witness and observe the thoughts and feelings; don’t allow them to define you.

Awareness, like the sky and the feeling/emotion, is a cloud. The cloud is not the sky; the pain is not the person. This attitude supports mindfulness. Simply notice that the cloud is not the whole sky. Awareness is how you identify when you are stressed and also how you escape stress. Apply awareness to any part of the model to determine the level of stress and what’s happening; then, the route out of stress emerges.

That awareness is so important whether you are in the react or in the relax mode. Once you are conscious of not being in the now, just steer back to the present. Equally, it’s a great check when you are all relaxed, fully in the moment, and in the here and now—not the there and then.

How do you get back to the now? Just concentrate on your breathing; it really is that easy. “Whatever you are doing and wherever you are, you will find steadiness, calm, and concentration if you become conscious of your breathing.”—Buddha

React: There and Then (Red)

When in react mode, several reactions occur; the greater the threat, the more immediate the response, which governs how much adrenaline and cortisol is released into the nervous system. It may be microdoses that wake you up in the night if something unsettles you or maximum releases for fighting with every sinew if you are attacked or on scene at a serious incident. They’re not single occurrences, since the body will continually release hormones until all of the threat has diminished.

With all subsequent react levels, adrenaline and cortisol releases are increased to stimulate great physical action. Unfortunately, there is a major downside for your health and well-being. It can cause fatal damage to the cardiovascular and immune systems, plus continual exposure greatly increases the chances of cancer and other serious diseases.

It’s especially important for those in positions of command to recognize the stress indicators in everyone, regardless of rank. Stress always compromises decision making—if for no other reason, the brain shuts down.

Negative Bias

The brain is biased to retain negative thoughts, as identified by the neuroscientist Rick Hanson. It acts as a magnet for any negative thoughts, while the good ones slip away. Add to the equation that 95% of all thoughts are repeats, and a staggering 80% are negative!

Worse still, this feature is hardwired into the neural circuitry, the only part of the brain that can’t be reprogrammed. It has ensured the survival of the species but with unhealthy consequences.

Certainly, it has a major influence on people’s dispositions. Back to that question of choice, a negative bias doesn’t mean a negative person. Moaning, never satisfied, pessimistic, taciturn, and downright miserable is a choice. Ask the question: How many negative individuals are truly healthy?

Negativity changes the blood chemistry and harms immensely, just as positivity makes people healthier and happier. Mindset and attitude are that powerful.

Anxiety

Apprehension about uncertainty is a good definition of anxiety. The imagination runs wild, followed by hypervigilance, with senses on high alert. It occurs in that space between what may happen and before it does. Although you make plans, you are helpless to take any action, since your mind imagines a catastrophic future. That uncertainty makes anxiety unbearable.

Future Tense by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary delivers hope in a new context; anxiety can be a friend and protector. Anxiety isn’t the problem; it’s the coping behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can make it worse.

To understand what the anxiety informs, rather than overcome it, is better. Take it as information about the future that you should listen to; if it isn’t useful, let it go for now. If it is useful, take purposeful action. Listening with curiosity is key. Better still, despite the anxiety, take a leap of faith that this terrifying emotion is an ally.

Anxiety can lead to creative decisions, provided you use it to move or do something. Paradoxically, you don’t have to control it; just accept it with a “dizziness of freedom” that brings something new into existence. Lean into it, not away from it, with curiosity for boundless possibilities.

Fears

Since the primary thought process is based on threats, uncontested anxiety leads to fear, particularly when strong emotions and feelings drive these thoughts. Whether you are angry, frustrated, resentful, or jealous, the reaction is to be fearful and protective. This also applies when scared in any way.

Once survival mode has kicked in, the nervous system is on high alert, and it is difficult to respond calmly. Understanding that this is only a program helps greatly, but it requires significant application and persistence. Should other threats emerge, the body releases more adrenaline and cortisol, and a vicious upward cycle of fear and anxiety follows.

Mental bandwidths become very limited. Thus, important decisions become harder to make and also receive not only in operations but also in planning and problem solving, because fear promotes a tendency to see why something won’t work. It’s the main reason “brainstorming” isn’t effective under pressure. To react, rather than respond, will elevate negative consequences over any potential solutions.

It’s the same in life. Never make any important decisions when stressed; it only results in bad outcomes and lasting regret. All big questions are best answered when completely calm.

Judgments

The brain consumes 20% of all calories the body absorbs; it takes shortcuts wherever possible. Given its propensity to consider almost everything a threat, forming judgments assists that assessment and also saves energy.

All judgments are based on a perceived threat. The first consideration is always negative. In all situations and all circumstances, that judgment will defer to potential damage or hurt every time.

Awareness that the brain limits options to judge, rather than think, is most valuable with possible decision considerations. There are two biases that drive this pattern: confirmation bias (seeing what we expect to see) and desirability bias (seeing what we want to see). They prevent applying intelligence and can distort the truth, with damaging consequences for the public we serve and fire personnel.

Not only do judgments undermine sensible decisions, they can also damage health. Think of judgmental people; do they appear relaxed? Are they positive and cheery? Certainly, in my experience, they’re not excellent examples of vim and vigor. Their convictions are predominantly negative, reactive, and narrow-minded—almost always stressed selfishness, which harms their quality of life.

Beliefs

If judgments can’t mitigate the threat level, the subconscious will exaggerate them continually till you take action. Since the brain’s functional capacity is greatly diminished because of additional adrenaline and cortisol, beliefs will supersede judgments. Those beliefs enable more shortcuts to eliminate doubt and confusion with the objective of certainty. Unfortunately, any belief is entirely based on past events and bears no relationship to reality. That certainty provides an entirely subjective safety mechanism that can’t be challenged. When you are stressed, your belief is based on what you want, regardless of evidence.

The certainty that belief gives enables you to initiate strong responses with total conviction. Wars have been and are still are fought because of beliefs, because the level of threat is so strong in the minds of those involved, they must take drastic action.

Adam Grant in Think Again suggests the main mental toolkit uses instinct, assumptions, and habits over clear thinking. To highlight the need for different thinking, the book starts with the 1949 Mann Gulch wildfire disaster in which wildland firefighters died.

Grant criticizes human propensity to hold on to strongly held beliefs as a badge of honor. He notes that when core beliefs are challenged, it triggers the amygdala. The hot fight-or-flight response replaces cool rationality. Anger and fear are visceral; totalitarian ego comes to the rescue with mental armor. The book is a must-read for anyone who wants to improve their ability to think.

Ego

When you are physically or mentally threatened, a hierarchy of protection exists that the ego governs. The ego identifies those threats and demands certainty to secure safety. When the threat is at its highest and is all-consuming, the reaction is instantaneous. Fight; flight; or, most commonly, freeze takes over without conscious thought.

The ego wants to be superior and special but feels lacking and inferior, which drives the constant comparison with others. The need to be right, with all those carefully selected judgments and belief systems, is all powerful and guarded fiercely. When others do well, they pose a threat to the ego, which reacts with jealousy and resentment.

Every rejection or slight is taken seriously, which only increases the threat level. Make no mistake, the more stressed the situation, the louder and more insistent are the ego’s demands. Ryan Holliday’s Ego Is the Enemy superbly lays out the fight to master the ego, your greatest opponent. Living to serve the ego will never result in happiness.

Looking back over my 36 years in the fire service, all the bad decisions, both mine and others, came down to ego. My younger self would have benefited from this tip: Any reference in the mind to the future or past comes from the ego.

Relax: Be Here and Now (Green)

Now, how do you to get the most out of life—that is, how do you avoid and navigate stress? When you are in the parasympathetic state, you are relaxed and recuperative, able to enjoy all aspects of life. You make decisions calmly and responsively rather than reactively and under stress; nothing is too much trouble, and all is well with the world. It’s the best place to be and within everyone’s reach. It’s much less complicated than the react state; it should be simple to attain, but has to overcome that survival instinct. However, with practice, application, and diligence, you can significantly improve mental and physical well-being and resilience.

Remember, the key is awareness. Once aware of any stress, as evidenced by the factors above or that the mind is distracted to there and then, the first port of call is breathing.

Breathing

Until recently, I hadn’t appreciated just how much I didn’t know about breathing. Although I had understood the benefits of mindfulness and meditation for some time, I was completely unaware of how wrong my breathing (and that of most others) was. To breathe correctly is be conscious of the breath. Not only is conscious breathing a great mantra, but it immediately accesses the parasympathetic system to stop stress.

Stressed, depressed, and anxious people have bad breathing habits and patterns and are often stressed, depressed, and anxious. They breathe too shallowly, high in the chest, taking in too much oxygen. Like calories, too much oxygen is bad for health and well-being.

They also tend to be mouth breathers who’re susceptible to infections, since it is the nose that purifies and moistens the air. Mouth breathing is harmful to health and well-being but also severely limits fitness and performance.

I’ve always been fit, but why I could never breathe to full capacity when needed? Because I wasn’t breathing from my diaphragm; I wasn’t using the right muscles. When breathing properly, the belly should expand on inhalation and contract on exhalation.

The primary inhalation muscles are the diaphragm and the outer intercostals; for exhalation, it’s the inner intercostals, the obliques, and the abs. Modern humans wrongly use the auxiliary muscles of the stereo-cleidomastiod, the upper trapezius and the upper pecs, rather than the primary ones.

Bad breathing technique exacerbates stress, since needing to breathe faster to get more oxygen increases anxiety. Correct breathing expands the lungs, develops the diaphragm, floods the body with oxygen, activates the autonomic nervous system, stimulates the immune systems, and rewires the brain positively. Remember one thing today—shut your mouth! You will feel the benefits of nose breathing very soon.

Stress Relief Exercises

Box Breathing

This technique is commonly attributed to United States Navy SEALS for staying calm in stressful situations.

• Inhale for a count of four.
• Hold for a count of four.
• Exhale for a count of four.
• Hold your breath for a count of four. The longer you hold your breath, the more it activates your parasympathetic system. With practice, you can really extend the duration.
• Repeat at least six times.

Humming

This one of my favorites but not my wife’s! Humming increases the release of nitrous oxide in the nasal passages 15-fold. Nitrous oxide is a powerhouse molecule that widens the capillaries and increases oxygenation, which also smooths the muscles in the nose and throat for improved respiration. Humming is the simplest and most effective way to increase the production of this essential gas. Practice this for at least five minutes a day—its effects are truly potent.

4-7-8 Breathing for Sleep

This is fantastic to quiet your mind and help you fall asleep; it puts the body into a deep relaxation state.

• Breathe in through the nose and out with a whoosh sound.
• Breathe in through the nose for a count of four.
• Hold for a count of seven.
• Exhale through the mouth to a count of eight with a whoosh sound.
• Repeat until sleep takes over.

1-3 Breathing

This technique is for when you are really stressed and is an excellent way to decompress after a challenging day; it’s very effective for hardcore enthusiasts.

• Breathe in for a count of one and out for a count of three.
• Breathe in for a count of two and out for a count of six.
• Breathe in for a count of three and out for a count of nine.

The trick is to exhale slowly by counting out. With practice, you can get to up to a count of 15 in and to a count of 45 out. The high at the end is most rewarding with total relaxation.

Wim Hof Breathing

Find a comfortable place and either sit or lie down.

Take 30-40 deep breaths. It works best if you breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Like a wave, fill the stomach first, followed by the chest. Then just let go.

After 30-40 breaths, exhale and then hold your breath; this is retention.

When you need to breathe, take a huge inhale and hold it for 15 seconds. This is recovery. Squeeze the breath by contracting the pelvic floor belly. Breathe out and repeat at least three times.

The Wim Hof Method is my favorite. It combines deep breathing, cold exposure, and exercises. It builds aerobic fitness, greatly enhances the immune system, reduces inflammation, makes the blood alkaline, activates the parasympathetic system to aid digestion, and results in enhanced mental and physical well-being.

Another great benefit from deep breathing is that your stomach, kidneys, liver, and intestines get a massage. Expand and contract your belly for a workout to enhance their effectiveness since the breathing exercise improves blood flow. This process also greatly assists the parasympathetic state for digestion, recuperation, and relaxation.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the gentle maintenance of moment-by-moment awareness of your body, your thoughts, your feelings, and your environment. It isn’t just about paying attention; it’s how to pay attention.

It involves accepting thoughts and feeling without any judgment as to whether it is the right or wrong way to think or feel in any moment. The right attitude and intention is essential. Self-kindness and curiosity are building blocks for meaningful and lasting positive change. It is being in the here and now—not rehashing the past or imagining the future in pain or fear.

Whatever the compunction to be elsewhere (Eckhart Tolle’s definition of stress), everything is good in the here and now. Check out Matt Killingsworth’s great TED talks. His main message: Regardless of one’s thoughts, the present is always the best place to be. A great helpful technique is just to ask, “What’s happening right now, this very second?”

Research continues to provide real evidence that mindfulness is essential for well-being. Shauna Shapiro, one of the leading experts in the field, and Professor Gary Schwartz have produced a new science-based model for mindfulness. It’s probably one of the best I’ve come across, because it helps explain how humans emotionally connect with others:

• Intention directs the compass of the heart, reflecting deepest hope and values.
• Attention trains and stabilizes the mind to the present moment.
• Attitude refers to how to pay attention—with kindness and curiosity.

These all work together to enrich daily lives to respond compassionately and wisely in every moment. One profound message Shapiro repeats is, “What you practice grows stronger.” This applies to all aspects of existence, whether they are negative or positive, helpful or not; the more you practice something, the stronger it becomes.

You don’t need to take time out of the day to be mindful. So many times, our minds wander; these are the perfect opportunities for mindfulness, particularly when connected to a regular habit. When brushing your teeth, notice the movements of your hand and arm and how the toothbrush feels and tastes in the various parts of your mouth.

Waiting for a kettle to boil, consider the evolution of the kettle, the electricity, the change in temperature, water to steam, and the chemical reaction to change the state of the coffee or tea. It’s all about noticing all that to bring the mind into the present. It’s not some esoteric practice you only carried out in places of beauty and awe; it’s all about the now. The more you practice, the stronger it becomes and the more benefits you gain.

Meditation

Many helpful sources are available that explain the fantastic benefits of meditation. These practices gain greater significance with the increased complexity of the modern world. Countless studies continue to show that meditation changes the brain very positively, from enhanced cognition to the ability to regulate emotions.

Dawson Church’s Mind to Matter synthesizes hundreds of studies in the field of biology, physics, and psychology to show, moment by moment, how the energy fields in the brain create a new reality.

New technologies can now peer into the nuclei of cells during meditation. These discoveries are far from trivial. Brain waves effect profound changes in how the body is formed. What emerges is irrefutable evidence of the healing qualities with stress reduction practices.

Brain scans have shown that attention, learning, and emotional processing get bigger and stronger; and, even better, they slow the age-related thinning of the frontal cortex. The neural pathways related to impulsiveness and impatience are pruned, leaving more space for the those neurons that make you happier, healthier, and lead a more effective life—a classic win-win.

Meditation and mindfulness are often seen as one and the same or at least similar. In Frazzled, Ruby Wax, the comedienne, has written an excellent, helpful book, full of humor to promote both practices. She writes, “Meditation is more of an exercise whereas mindfulness is using that exercise to build up the skill of being able to pay attention in the moment, without judgment, in daily life.” A passionate and funny advocate for mental health and well-being, Wax points to research by Cliff Saron of the University of California that proves meditation increases the longevity and the quality of cells and increases life expectancy.

Now

The main purpose of conscious breathing, mindfulness, and meditation is to return one to the now, the perpetual present, the moment where nothing else exists but all life. Again, awareness is the friend and guide that focuses your attention to where life is lived. It’s like a dimmer, not just an on/off switch; it’s always there unless you are all consumed in doing whatever. Once aware that thoughts are locked into there and then—stop! Gently return to the present moment and live in the here and now and not in your head. The best way to return to the now is to be mindful or meditative; just concentrate on your breathing—that’s all.

Flow

Some may desire a higher level of now. The concept has been around for centuries in some eastern religions such as Buddhism. Zen is the common term; more recently, in 1975, Mihaly Csikszenmihali called it flow. It’s a mental state in which you are so completely immersed and fully involved in an activity with such a level of enjoyment that you lose your sense of space and time. You are so in harmony with the present moment that you can enter a realm of timeless bliss.

It’s possible to reach a state of uninterrupted happiness some would call joy—an inner stillness, a peace, a calm. Rid the clutter of thought to grasp life for what it truly is. Accepting your life exactly how it is makes joy attainable, particularly when you are in flow.

Sliding Scale

Notice the two arrows at the bottom of Figure 1. This is a sliding scale representing an increase or a decrease of mental resources. When stressed, your perception of available resources is greatly diminished, as is your ability to spot opportunities. When in the now, in a relaxed and responsive mindset, the ability to identify potential increases markedly. Equally, you can access greater creativity and productivity. Look at any famous artist, writer, or inventor; there’s a common theme: “It just came to me.”

Neuroscience is now catching up with ancient wisdom as new discoveries confirm the brain’s ability to change and grow through practice. It’s probably the most important discovery in brain science for more than a century. The brain constantly sculpts new pathways and prunes unhealthy ones. It’s never too late to change the brain, regardless of age.

Stress is unavoidable in life; yet, despite its harmful effects, it has helped the human species to survive. However, it does seriously compromise your ability to be relaxed, peaceful, and happy. Almost all of the conditions of stress are subconscious and are based on the perception of threat that cannot be reprogrammed. Thankfully, there are a number of ways to escape the debilitating aspects and consequences of stress.

In Figure 1, using awareness as a guide, if you are anywhere on the left of the model in the there and then, concentrate on your breathing to return to the here and now. Practice breathing, mindfulness, and meditation to be fully immersed in the magic of life. Those practices have had a beneficial impact on my life; there’s no reason why they can’t help others. Make the best of this guidance and your future self will thank you.

References

Lipton, Bruce H. (2022) The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, & Miracles.

Dispenza, Joe. (2018) You Are the Placebo.

Hanson, Rick. (2013) Hardwiring Happiness: The Practical Science of Reshaping Your Brain—And Your Life.

Dennis-Tiwary, Tracy. (2022) Future Tense.

Burkeman, Oliver. (2021) Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals.

Grant, Adam. (2021) Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know.

Holliday, Ryan. (2016) Ego Is the Enemy.

Nestor, James. (2020) Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art.

Hof, Wim. The Wim Hof Method. https:/www.wimhofmethod.com.

McKeown, Patrick. (2015) The Oxygen Advantage.

Tolle, Eckhart. (2000) The Power of Now.

Shapiro, Shauna. (2019) Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity, and Joy.

Church, Dawson. (2018) Mind to Matter: The Astonishing Science of How Your Brain Creates Material Reality.

Wax, Ruby. (2016) A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled.

Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. (1997) Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life.

Gawdat, Mo. (2018) Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy.

Brown, Derren. (2016) Happy: Why More or less Everything is Absolutely Fine; (2020) A Little Happier: Notes for Reassurance.

Hari, Johann. (2018) Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope.

JOHN DOYLE is a coach and mind therapist specializing in stress and the mind. A 36-year veteran of the fire service, he served as chief fire officer of the Cleveland (UK) Fire Brigade from 1997 until retiring in 2010. He worked in some of the busiest fire brigades in greater Manchester, including the Kent Fire Brigade.