By Jada Hudson
I recently had the privilege of meeting soon-to-retire firefighter Steve Sullivan, and when he told me his story, I was immediately compelled to share it because of what a prime example it is of someone struggling, seeking the help they need, and finding healing, recovery, and new life on the other side of trauma.
Steve Sullivan’s Story
In September of 1990, Fire Engineering published an article about Sullivan’s trauma (PDF, 1.2MB). He had been involved in a training exercise that went horribly awry. He was trapped in a fiery room, unable to escape, flames were closing in on him, and he sustained significant burns that sent him to the burn unit for quite some time. After his trauma, he suffered severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He struggled with his PTSD and alcohol. He sought help, and now he is in recovery!
With retirement on the horizon, Steve started thinking about what he wanted to do with his time. It wasn’t hard to find. He just had to look in the mirror to see his next step in life. He set his eyes on a new, meaningful goal (–Santa Claus. Like a phoenix born out of the ashes, his new goal has revived his passion for life.
“I have spent my whole life interacting with people where it was their worst day, and now I get to be a pat of joy and these peoples’ best days!” Sullivan said.
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Resiliency On Display
This story perfectly display what resiliency looks like. In my article, “What’s the Definition of Resiliency,” I define resiliency as, “the knowledge that, as a first responder, you are going to endure hard things, but you are going to get back up and live, really live. Resiliency is knowing that you are not alone in your hurt or pain. Resiliency is knowing you have a department that is there for you, whatever you need. Resiliency is knowing that your family would love to hear you out on your thoughts and your struggles. Resiliency is deciding that your job is not your life. Resiliency is deciding to live your life because you are willing to talk, willing to picture a future without the pain you have experienced in your past, and willing to let people in.”
When I attended the California Highway Patrol Academy’s four-day resiliency training, the leaders encouraged cadets to picture someone in their lives who they knew to be resilient. Cadets mentioned parents, role models, and even grandmothers who were resilient amidst trying circumstances. Holding a vision in mind of someone who is resilient gives first responders hope and perspective when they are facing hard things. For firefighters, Steve Sullivan is a great example of someone who is resilient.
Sullivan came forward to get help. He opened up to his wife. He took the time off of work that he needed to take in order to recuperate and become emotionally well. Though he suffered a horrible trauma, underwent a battle with alcoholism, and struggled with anxiety and depression for a long while, he persevered to become well. He kept walking through the darkness until the sunrise appeared. Resiliency is worth the work because at the end of the road is freedom, joy, and connection with others.
Mirroring Others’ Emotions
In pursuit of his passion, Steve Sullivan enrolled in and attended “Santa School” to prepare for his job as a Santa Claus. Not only did he identify this as something he wanted to do with his time as a retiree, but he also identified the way he wanted to live in retirement – joyfully. Instead of dwelling on the pain of his past, he worked through his pain to decide he wanted to live a more joyful life.
What he might not know is that being around the joy of the children he’s helping will actually trigger him to be more joyful! There’s a little thing in the human brain called mirror neurons. These are “monkey see-monkey do” signals in the brain that tell us, subconsciously, to mimic the body language and emotional state of those around us. Animals have them, too. Firefighters spend their entire careers helping victims and family members in their stressful events. Rescuers may not realize that although the trauma is happening to someone else, mirror neurons are telling them to respond with the same stress levels as the victims and their family members. Our brains are wired to feel their same fear, horror, and helplessness. Years and years of this intensity and trauma can wear on a firefighter both physically and emotionally.
But these same mirror neurons fire when you are in happy, calm, and safe situations. Others’ emotions are contagious. This is one of the many reasons I believe Steve Sullivan is so brilliant. He gets to spend his retirement bringing children joy, and, in the meantime, his brain will experience that joy as well.
A New Chapter: Post-Traumatic Growth
Often, when people go through adversity or trauma, they grow. They experience a significant change in their thinking. Studies of trauma survivors show that up to 90 percent report having a renewed appreciation for life. They become better at living in the moment. They experience warmer, more intimate relationships. They have clearer priorities about what is important in life. If given enough time to process and heal, they recover faster from other traumatic events. They discover that they are stronger than they thought they were. They can see new opportunities available that would not have been, otherwise. Psychologists call this “post-traumatic growth.”
You can hear it in their voices when they say things like, “I established a new path for my life.” That’s exactly what Steve says. Instead of allowing his retirement to be plagued by many of the issues retired firefighters’ face, he worked through them and accepts with gratitude where he is today.
In my years as a firefighter counselor, I have seen many firefighters come across unexpected challenges as they arrive at retirement. Those who haven’t opened up and talked about their experiences and their pain with trusted friends, peer supporters, spouses, or counselors may find themselves struggling in significant and unexpected ways. They may experience insomnia, intrusive memories, relationship tensions with their spouses, fear, anxiety, desire for to escape by using substances, and a new sense of loneliness as they are away from the brotherhood. Some may even have suicidal ideation as they see their loss of income and perceive that they are a burden to their families. Without processing these new dynamics, retired firefighters can find this season to be exhausting and extremely disappointing. But, when they open up and find healing, retirement can become their best season of life yet!
Preparing for a Successful Retirement
My favorite part of Steve’s story is how he has invited his wife to come along on his new journey. Mrs. Sullivan is excited for him to pursue his dream of becoming a Santa Claus, and she supported him as he attended Santa School. As she watched his new passion unfold, she decided she wanted to be a part of his new occupation. So she attended Santa School to become Mrs. Claus!
The two of them are now booking Santa gigs and traveling together to bring joy to children and families around Illinois and the country! In their first month of doing this, they have already made $3,000 in income as a Santa couple! Not only are they traveling and having fun, but they are together in this endeavor. And, they get to do charity work, too, visiting children in hospice and being firehouse Santas! Find out more about their work at http://www.saintnk.com.
For you, retirement may not look even remotely close to Steve Sullivan’s Santa Claus gig. But Sullivan’s approach to retirement is something that so many firefighters can learn from. In the book The New Retirementality by Mitch Anthony, there are four pillars of successful retirements, and Sullivan has hit on every one of them. Here they are:
1. Vision: Success is retiring to something. Failure is retiring from something.
2. Balance: Success is find balance between vocation and vacation. Failure is going from bingeing on work to bingeing on leisure.
3. Work: Success is keeping yourself plugged into meaningful pursuits. Failure is devolving to boredom and aimlessness.
4. Successful Aging: Success is focusing on growing and well-being. Failure is just taking what comes.
Mitch Anthony, poses the question I believe every retiring firefighter needs to ask himself: “Do you really want to quit working?”
Think about it for a minute. Your immediate reaction is probably, “Of course! I’ll have time to relax, travel, spend time with my wife, and be with my grandchildren! Of course, I want to retire!” But, what if there was a third option? What if instead of having the choice to retire and relax or to keep working there was some sort of balance you could find, some meaningful occupation, that would give you freedom to do the things you love while giving you something meaningfully productive to do?
That’s why I think Steve Sullivan’s solution is so brilliant! He is facing retirement with a new vision for his life. He gets to bring joy to children and families. He is facing retirement with balance, too. He gets to be productive even as he gets to be with his wife in a new experience together! They are strengthening their relationship, having fun, and making money. He is approaching his retirement with an intention to be productive and work in ways that fulfill him. And he is approaching retirement by growing, learning how to be Santa Claus, and finding charity organizations that he can benefit.
Whether you are retiring tomorrow or 30 years from now, I believe Steve Sullivan is a fantastic example of horrible circumstances being turned for good. His story is beautiful and inspiring. No matter what you have faced, I know yours can be, too.
JADA B. HUDSON, MS, LCPC, CADC, is the clinical director of program development for the Illinois Firefighter Peer Support Team and is a counselor in her private practice in the Chicago area.
More Jada Hudson: https://www.hudsonclinicalcounseling.com/
References
Anthony, M. (2014). The New Retirementality: Planning your Life and Living your Dreams … at Any Age you Want. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley and Sons, Inc.
