FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS, officers are often placed in a position to hear about the trials and tribulations of coworkers or subordinates. It can happen because of the close working relationship within the fire station, the respect for the officer or position, or just because the officer is there. The good news is that there must be a level of trust and confidence or you would not be asked to listen to personal matters. Also, members of your organization think your opinion on matters is sound and probably helpful. You also are respected for your reputation for having the ability to keep confidential matters confidential. The issue brought to you can be job related but often is of a personal nature. That is the topic of this month’s problem. This problem was suggested to me by another chief, although maybe inadvertently. It came up as a discussion of some of the types of issues officers face but for which they are not adequately prepared. In this case, you can be any officer, at any level of the organization.
A junior member of your organization stops by your office and asks if he can talk to you. Of course, you say it is okay. The member asks if he can close the door. (That is a sign that something big, at least in the member’s mind, is about to be revealed!) The member says he just discovered that his wife is pregnant. You immediately congratulate him. He then tells you that he had a vasectomy six months ago. Now what?
As we all know, we do not get much preparation for these types of issues. We rely on our instincts and anything we may have picked up from previous officers or mentors. In reality, counselors, therapists, and psychologists get a tremendous amount of training to handle such issues. They do it frequently, so they have experience to go with their education. Unfortunately, we generally do not have that background to help us. Regardless, we must do something. Or must we?
INACTION IS SOMETIMES THE BEST ACTION
I sometimes teach that we don’t always need to take action when addressing a problem. Sometimes, our best action is inaction. Irrespective of your personal and professional relationship with the member, your choice in this case is to be an active listener. There is no expectation for you to “fix” this. More than likely, the member has not talked to anyone and needs to unload. He is not looking for answers (not that you would have any at this time). He needs to verbalize and release a great deal of anxiety and frustration. He trusts that he can tell you his story without your making a value judgment and also that you will keep this in strict confidence.
You should not have any distractions. Don’t answer the phone (except if you have an emergency line for which you are responsible), and remove anything else that may keep you from providing direct communication. You must give your undivided attention. You may respond to direct questions, but be careful of your responses. Keep them nonjudgmental and simple. Encourage continued discussion with your member, letting him do the talking; you do the listening. Be aware of any significant issues that may indicate extremely serious problems that would require professional help or at least help from someone with more experience or preparation than you have.
Often, the temptation is to take sides with the member and say things that you think will support his position. After all, we are action-oriented people who need to do something to help. To do anything but listen doesn’t seem like something we are expected to do. Yet, for the most part, that is the direction you need to take to get started. At all costs, avoid any statements that can be viewed as judgmental against the spouse. The couple may resolve this issue later, and comments you make will not be forgotten. Remain supportive without taking sides.
You may even have heard of other people with similar circumstances; but at this time, don’t mention them. Your member is not interested in other people’s circumstances; he believes his are unique, at least at this time. Don’t tell him you know how he feels, because you probably don’t. Even if you may have experienced something similar, the circumstances, personalities, and emotions involved will not be exactly the same.
Since this is so fresh, there is a great deal of emotion. You do not want to inject any logic into this emotional event so close to its revelation. Logic and emotion rarely mix. There is no predicting the outcome. There could be reconciliation or a divorce or anything else in between. Offer your support without specific suggestions. Ask the member what he would like you to do to offer support. Often, the answer is to just be there to listen.
CONSIDER DEPARTMENT’S INTERESTS
You also need to make an evaluation as to the competence of this individual to do the job on this day. Is he so emotionally upset that he can’t function adequately? This is not an easy call. (You took the job, so you need to make the tough calls.) He probably looks at the job like many firefighters, and the station is his place of refuge. It allows him to get away from the problem temporarily. Regardless, make sure the individual is able to function. If not, suggest leave time. I emphasize that this is not an easy call and requires tremendous tact. Do the best you can to balance the needs of the individual and the level of performance expected by the department.
If the situation does not affect the department, keep it confidential. Breaking trust will significantly damage your relationship and possibly other relationships, should the word get out that you can’t keep a secret. However, if performance becomes an issue, you may need to take a different tack to protect the member and the department. Use your network outside the department for ideas, always remaining conscious of confidentiality. Also, be aware of performance issues that last longer than a few days. Regardless of the individual’s issues, the organization still needs to perform and get the job done. It is essential to balance the individual’s needs and the organization’s needs.
As people get promoted, fire departments do a relatively good job of providing the tools to do the job on the emergency scene. It is back at the station where we are challenged to make the right choices. Preparation for these types of issues should be included in officer training programs. Also, pursue outside education, and develop a network of professionals whose experiences can help you develop your skills in these areas.
RICHARD MARINUCCI has been chief of the Farmington Hills (MI) Fire Department since 1984. He was president of the International Association of Fire Chiefs in 1997-98 and chair of the Commission on Chief Fire Officer Designation. In 1999, he served as senior advisor to Director James Lee Witt of FEMA and acting chief operating officer of the United States Fire Administration for seven months as part of a loan program between the City of Farmington Hills and FEMA. He received the Outstanding Public Service Award from the director for his efforts. Marinucci has three B.S. degrees: in secondary education from Western Michigan University, in fire science from Madonna College, and in fire administration from the University of Cincinnati. He was the first graduate of the Open Learning Fire Service Program at the University of Cincinnati (summa cum laude) and was named a Distinguished Alumnus in 1995.
