Art by Paul Combs
Two-Pen Perspectives | Christopher Tennyson, Battalion Chief of Training, Summerville (SC) Fire-Rescue
Spoiler Alert! This is a continuance of this month’s Letter to the Editor titled “The Cost of High Performance.”
Time has passed since the reigns were pulled. You have experienced almost all of the phases of grief by now. You know, the five stages we learned about: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The place where we discover ourselves is that gray area between depression and acceptance. I refer to it as the crossroads. Most, if not all, of us have been there in some way. Whether it’s in our personal lives or professional, the crossroads are still there.
When we reach the crossroads, we are already mentally and physically drained. We have experienced “This isn’t happening,” vented to our friends and loved ones, lashed out at work, created Edward vs. Jacob (Twilight reference) among the members, created a negative work environment for our peers, experienced an extreme lack of motivation, and lost sleep.
Just when we think we can’t take anymore, we come to a crossroad. We have to choose to either keep going down the path of hate and discontent or decide to get over ourselves and focus on the mission. Easier said than done! Step into my RPG (Role Player Game) if you will.
You choose hate and discontent: This could either be a conscious decision or the lack of making a decision, which, in effect, is making a decision! I have seen this path absolutely ruin some of the best firefighters I know. It is painful to watch as you spiral. You may do the bare minimum for a while, become the “minute man” showing up at the last minute for your shift, start to put on weight and have a sloppy appearance, and completely undermine everything implemented. It works at first, as Team Edward thinks this is what should be done. Personally, I’m Team Jacob. Remember, you have a following because you were at the top of your game and several people want to emulate you. The problem is, when you ride the bare minimum line, you will get caught. The great reputation, trust, and respect you spent years building come to an end, and you are now the “he/she used to be really jam up” person. You will get time off without pay, take a demotion, or even lose your job. Game over, for now.
You choose to get over yourself and focus on the mission: You are tired and you know if something doesn’t give, you will snap! Guess what, you are what has to give! You made a promise to the community you serve, your department, your family, and yourself that you would provide the best service and do everything you can to go home successfully after every tour. You don’t get to decide when to uphold your commitment. You have spent too many hours away from home and your loved ones, honing your craft to make yourself and others better, to just give up and, unfortunately, take many others down in the process. You are not the only one who has sacrificed on this path. Look behind you and see all the people with the same scars as you, because they sacrificed to make sure you could fulfill the mission. You grind through the selfishness and are better for it on the other side. Go, Team Jacob!
We often forget about others when we come to the crossroads. It is hard to look beyond what we are going through and it is easy to just continue what we are doing, especially if you are in the right and it still didn’t go your way. For the record, there was a point in my career when I was told I would not work in the fire service anymore. It took some help from my wife, but I got over myself. Go, Team Jacob!
