By Edward Gorre
Cool. Calm. Tough. Bulletproof. Stoic. These are the words I would use to describe the firefighters and officers who trained me when I came on the job 26 years ago. I was mentored and trained by firefighters who were former carpenters, mechanics, and war veterans. Hard-working, blue-collar people, raised by parents of the Silent Generation. Firefighters who lived the war years of the fire service. The mantra was: “Do your job. Keep your problems to yourself. Deal with it”.
I remember working my first unsuccessful code on Ladder 2 during probation. A young father of three had just passed away; crews had worked mightily to save him. Within seconds of calling the time of death, I found myself standing in the living room with the family, alone, none of my crew around. They were all good at EMS and CPR, but emotions, forget it. It was time to go outside and engage in some dark humor. This was our coping mechanism.
- Constructive Confrontation: Addressing PTSD/Suicide Warning Signs in the Firehouse
- Post-Traumatic Stress: Not a Life Sentence
- Upstream Practices That Predict Firefighter Resilience
- Can Peer Support Prevent Firefighter Suicide?
I looked up to these men and women and like the skills they taught me. I modeled my emotional response on them, too. Keep it to yourself. Deal with it. I went through my career thinking that I was perfect for this job. I never felt anything on calls. No sadness, no elation, no emotion—it was just the job.
Until one day I felt it all. So much that I found myself drowning in emotion and could no longer cope. In 2016, I went off the job for eight months, diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). That was the scariest day of my career. I thought for sure my days as a firefighter were over. How would anyone respect me ever again? Who would want to work with or follow someone who was so weak? Someone who couldn’t handle his emotions?
In time, things turned around for me and I returned to the job. I received excellent mental health care and with treatment and lifelong counseling I have developed new skills on managing stress and emotions. It wasn’t an easy road but there is hope, and there is such a thing as post-traumatic growth. I was fortunate to receive support when so often others turn to alcohol, drugs, and suicide. Families are destroyed by these every day.
At the time I thought that I was the only person on the job that was hurting. There was no way I was going to tell anyone about this for fear of being weak. Fast forward to today, 2023. The fire service has changed. The call volume has tripled, arson fires have increased, violence towards our firefighters is a daily experience. The workload, stress and lack of downtime are real factors that are taking its toll on our personnel. No human should have a front row seat to so much tragedy; it’s not normal. I once felt alone. Now I’m just one of the majority. Practically every month we send a firefighter out to inpatient PTSD treatment. The numbers are staggering.
My story is not original. I know my firefighting brothers and sisters all over the world are still suffering in silence. That is why we as a fire service need to stamp out the stigma of expressing emotions makes you weak. I have seen now that it is just the opposite. Showing your emotions and talking about your fears is extremely courageous. This brings me to a group of the most courageous people I know: the Tacoma firefighters who put their experiences out there for all to see in a recent Tacoma (WA) Fire Department (TFD) documentary.
The TFD’s Peer Support Group set out to make an informational 5-minute video about mental health and resources available. As the project started to interview personnel for the video, they realized the scope for this project was too small and more needed to be done. They saw firsthand the suffering that was going on in our department alone. The project evolved into a 66-minute documentary called “The Call We Carry.”
- The Impact of Mental Health Stigma in the Fire Service
- Mental Health Care in the Fire Service: It’s Acceptable, But Is It Accessible?
- The Marriage of the Fire Service and Psychology: Starting Effective Behavioral Health Programs
- How Nutrition and Exercise Support Mental Health and Work-Life Balance
With the leadership of Fire Chief Tory Green, Firefighter/Paramedic Cody Shea was tasked with producing the video. Being the son of two firefighter parents and himself a sufferer of PTSD, Shea’s depiction of the firefighter’s condition is masterful. Never before has there been a documentary such as this, created by someone so in tune with a world that most don’t understand. The viewer is captivated by Shea’s cinematic eye, providing stunning visuals and powerful storytelling.
The documentary takes the viewer through the lives and experiences of five TFD firefighters: a deputy fire marshal, a captain, a lieutenant, a lieutenant/paramedic, and a firefighter/paramedic. All these individuals stepped forward and bared their hearts and souls for the camera, a courageous step that has greatly benefited our department. Even when watching the first cut, viewers were taken back by the effects of this documentary. We all felt a relation to some part of it, which helped us to realize that we are not alone, that sharing with someone is a good thing. The effect this has had on our department and the way it has changed our culture is unprecedented.
“The Call We Carry” is available for anyone on Youtube. Many local fire departments have made viewing this documentary part of their training. If you are a chief, a company officer, or an informal leader and you want to support your people, please take some time to watch this video. If you are suffering and want more understanding, please watch this video. The fact that you see this on the Fire Engineering site tells me you are a professional always looking for more information, greater understanding, and a better way to do things. Mental health is an area we have avoided for years in the fire service—now is the time to move it up on the list.
Edward Gorre is a battalion chief with the Tacoma (WA) Fire Department.
