BY C.V. “BUDDY” MARTINETTE
As a young fire captain working in the training division, I would on occasion take lunch while watching the wildlife in our training center pond. I found this a very relaxing respite from the ringing phones, course-learning objectives, and firefighter recruits.
During the three years I worked in training, I watched the same set of ducks return to our pond. Each year after their arrival, we would have a pond full of little ducklings with the mother duck leading them from one end of the pond to the other.
One problem for our visiting ducks was that they were not the only creatures living in the pond. Turtles, the big snapping variety, also found our pond a nice environment in which to raise their young. Turtles especially liked little ducklings!
Each year we would watch as the little ducklings, one by one, fell victim to the snapping turtles. This process would continue over the course of a week until there were no more little ducklings. Not withstanding their lack of success for raising little ducklings, the same set of ducks would return the following year, and the process would repeat itself.
In the world of leadership and followership, this story contains a powerful lesson. First and foremost, some of us are the ducklings in our organizations and may in fact be working for turtles. Turtles, in this case, are disguised as leaders who stay hidden under the water and pluck unsuspecting ducklings off one by one until everyone remaining in the organization looks and acts like a turtle.
Surviving as something other than the popular or more powerful species in the organizational pond can be tough—tough in the sense that it is hard to maintain a good attitude and stay focused when you are fearful something is lurking under the surface just waiting to pluck you and whoever looks like you right under the water. Rest easy though, there are some things ducklings can do to survive the turtles and live harmoniously in the pond.
THE SITUATION
All of us at some point in our career will find ourselves working for someone who just doesn’t complement our leadership style. You know what I mean, the kind of folks who appear to speak a different language when you converse with them. Perhaps you have a high interpersonal relationship need, and you are stuck working for a leader boss who doesn’t even know your name and who only cares about the bottom line results of your work. Maybe your boss has a high interpersonal relationship need and all you want to do is be left alone to do your job.
Whatever the reason for the conflict, there can be no more frustrating a relationship than working for someone who doesn’t share your values or concerns. I believe this to be of particular relevance for fire chiefs and firefighters, because we grow up in our jobs fueled by emotion and compassion. Unfortunately, the city leaders who oversee our departments are usually reared in a system steeped in business model practices and political volleying.
Regardless of your situation, if you don’t spend time cultivating an acceptable working arrangement between you and your boss, life is going to be miserable, particularly if you’re a duckling and your boss likes working with turtles.
CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE OF THE SITUATION
Perhaps the most profound thing ever taught to me was that we have an opportunity to learn from every situation, if we choose. For instance, we can choose to be unhappy (more on happiness later) because we work for a poor leader, or we can use the opportunity to learn what not to do when we are the leader and presented with similar situations.
I remember sitting in meetings with my boss and other peers early in my career and thinking, “This guy doesn’t have a clue.” It seemed to me that he missed every opportunity he had to present himself as a caring and competent leader. The concept that there was a gap between his leadership style and the needs of his employees simply eluded him.
During these meetings, I would find myself scribbling notes in my planner and thinking to myself that I would never want to do this when I have an opportunity to lead. As a matter of fact, writing down the bad traits and miscues of this leader helped reinforce the things I wanted to work on to become a more effective leader.
At some point I remember becoming so frustrated with this boss that I sought the counsel and guidance of a close friend. I remember trying very hard to understand why I was feeling so unhappy about my situation and how I could possibly turn things around.
As I related the stories of this boss and his behavior to my friend, I referred to my book and the notes I had taken. I really didn’t want to miss a thing while trying to justify my poor attitude about his leadership.
Out of the blue my wise friend said to me, “Every situation in life, good and bad, presents us with opportunities to learn and become better people.” It was then I realized that by concentrating on this leader’s negative behavior I was making myself feel bad. By turning that around and making it a learning opportunity, I subsequently benefited from the relationship.
So the very first lesson in working with a difficult leader is to change your perspective about the relationship. Realize it is a teaching opportunity and you should be learning.
HAPPINESS
If changing our perspective is the first lesson to learn in working with people we don’t understand or care for, closely behind is our understanding of happiness. Understanding that happiness is a personal responsibility over which we have total control is essential to surviving all relationships.
Webster’s defines happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment.” From the very definition, it is easily noted that well-being and contentment are developed from personal feelings that are intimately internal to us alone.
It makes me crazy when I hear people say that someone else doesn’t make them happy. This is because these people don’t understand happiness in one’s life is internal—something that they alone are responsible for and that only they have control over. Sure, someone can do something to make you feel unhappy; however, the act of being unhappy is your choice.
It is never anyone’s responsibility, least of all your boss’s, to make you happy with your job. That said, a good boss will try to create an environment where you are happy and can prosper. It is in the boss’ best interest for you to be happy because you will be more productive in your work.
The bottom line is, if you are having trouble with your boss, you should be seeking to understand and resolve the situation, primarily because it is keeping you from achieving your full potential, not because you are unhappy.
Understanding the personal responsibility for happiness is one thing; surviving in your job while being unhappy is quite another. The important thing to remember is that it doesn’t matter whether you are a duck or a turtle—you should focus on the root cause of the “unhappiness.”
As an example, you should be careful to distinguish between being unhappy and the more critical potential driving forces of unhappiness, such as fear, loneliness, and insecurity. Your task as an employee or boss is to recognize the real root cause of the unhappiness and avoid trying to convince people they shouldn’t be unhappy. If your people are fearful, lonely, or insecure, your telling them that happiness is a personal responsibility will only result in a more disillusioned and distant employee.
THEIR RIGHT TO BE HOW THEY WANT TO BE
Perhaps the most important thing for employees to understand regarding their bosses’ leadership style is that they have the absolute right to be exactly as they are. You have no right to expect them to be like you, nor should you want them to be.
In our personal lives, we have choices concerning whom we like and don’t like. In our personal lives, it is easier to separate ourselves from people who don’t add value to our lives; it is more difficult to do that in our professional lives. Besides, as we separate ourselves from the difficult situation each time it occurs, we miss valuable opportunities to learn.
Although we could argue that none of us are indentured servants to our organizations or its leaders, separating ourselves is usually a bit more complex. Retirement systems, kids in school, or any number of other events in our lives may result in our having to stick it out until the boss changes. There are many different kinds of leaders in this world, and we surely will work for most of the types in our careers.
Once you have an appreciation for individuals and how they view the world, it is usually easier to find ways to work with them. Think of this with regard to your crazy uncle who comes to holiday dinners and gets drunk and obnoxious. You really wish he weren’t that way, but to alleviate the problem you would have to remove yourself or him from the situation. In the case of your boss, who do you think will end up being removed?
DON’T EXPECT OTHERS TO CHANGE
People we work with are the way they are because they feel good being that way. You would do well to understand this and just get on with the work of the organization, because at this point in your or your boss’s career it probably is very unlikely that either of you will change your leadership styles dramatically. Don’t expect that your boss will change or that you can persuade him to see things your way.
This is not to say you and your boss can’t refine your styles to become more effective in leading others; however, wholesale changes in style just are not going to happen. Remember, everyone’s leadership style is developed over time and is similar to the culture of an organization, which is really just the collective experience of all of the members.
UNDERSTANDING YOU FIRST
Before you can understand why you are unhappy with the leadership of others, you will need to acquire a profound understanding of your view of leadership—an honest assessment of your interpersonal relationship needs, leadership strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies.
You can assess your view of the world, learning style, and personality in many ways. For instance, most people have taken the Myers-Briggs personality test. Myers-Briggs is a useful tool that provides insight into how and why people understand and approach the world. The test itself describes people’s personalities by looking at their preferences on four different scales (extroversion vs. introversion, sensing vs. intuition, thinking vs. feeling, and judging vs. perceiving). Still other tests can determine your relationship tendencies regarding personal wants and relationship needs.
Perhaps the best assessment of yourself will come from your family, friends, and coworkers because they are closest to you. Ask them to help you by conveying their perception of your abilities, both technically and emotionally.
If they are real friends, they will be honest in their assessment, and it will help begin to paint a picture of the kind of person you are and what they believe “floats your boat.” Compare this information with how you perceive yourself, and you will be well on the way to understanding who you are and how you affect others.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR BOSS
After you understand your wants and needs, it is possible to begin assessing others. Begin by researching the person’s background. This is important because individual values and beliefs represent the sum of life experiences and are reflected in behavior toward others. The aggregate of all this is really just the leadership style.
For instance, if your boss has military experience, he may have a high regard for commitment and discipline. If he lived the life of hard knocks, he may have no tolerance for anything less than a very intense work ethic. On the other hand, if he grew up in a family-oriented environment or suffered the loss of close family members, he may highly value personal relationships and family.
Spend a little time doing research on your boss’s background and how his life and job experience developed. Remember, all bosses care about something. Your success in working with him will depend on figuring out what is important and why it drives his leadership style.
INDIVIDUAL EXPECTATIONS
One of the most important things you can do to bridge any gap you may have with your boss is to discuss with him personal expectations in the same way you would performance expectations. This may be very difficult for those already in leadership roles.
Chiefs and city managers, having already developed egos, may have difficulty admitting relationship-based feelings, wants, and needs. The problem is that most of us grew up in systems that focused on hard stuff like performance expectations. The softer side of business, which is grounded in relationships and feelings, is very difficult for some people to confront.
Setting your position and ego aside and having an honest conversation about personal needs will help you and your boss come to an understanding about how you can help each other. If you can find out what the boss needs to make him look good in his boss’s eyes and develop a shared strategy for achieving that goal, you will begin the steps of building a better relationship. If nothing else, you will find out those things that really matter in your relationship with each other.
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF STYLE
If you find the work arrangement and relationship between you and your boss acceptable, concentrate on complementing his style for the purpose of achieving your objectives. When we say, “Take advantage of,” it is not intended to be negative or underhanded. You should never do things for the wrong reasons or violate your organizational or personal values.
If your boss values your knowing the details when he makes a request, you need to do your homework and provide the detailed information. If you don’t, your request will get bogged down in questions and answers until he is given enough information to make him feel comfortable. If he operates from a macro perspective, don’t waste time addressing the details. That kind of information will only bog him down in information he doesn’t really want to know.
If you are a fire chief with a city or county manager, you may find your boss operates from a political (council-led) or bureaucratic (manager-led) perspective. One of these perspectives will most likely represent your boss’s view of the world, and your success will depend on your understanding how this view applies to decision making in local government.
For instance, some managers tend to operate from the perspective and belief that the political system is in place to provide direction to local government. Managers who operate from this perspective believe they insulate themselves from events by solving them in the political arena. These types of managers may view right and wrong only from the perspective of accomplishing what the council has directed.
Operating from a bureaucratic perspective, the manager may believe he was hired to provide direction on best practices to the council. From this perspective, the manager will normally provide the council with solutions to problems along with the pros and cons of the potential actions, ultimately recommending a “best action.”
The point is, you need to spend time trying to understand your boss’s view of the world. If the boss operates from a political perspective and you look at things from a bureaucratic point of view, you will never believe the other has done the right thing.
On the bright side, you may find differences in styles are a real benefit. For example, if your boss doesn’t like you and you don’t like your boss, the two of you may decide to just leave each other alone. That kind of freedom can present you with some very real opportunities to be unique and creative in your job. Thus, while you may be frustrated over your relationship with the boss, your creativity and ingenuity could really shine.
The real key to working successfully with people who have an opposing style is to find a way to have their style help you achieve common goals. Attacking their style or coming at them with a view of the world they don’t want to see or understand will only confuse and frustrate both of you.
WORK TO THE MIDDLE OF THE TWO POLES
If you find you’re diametrically opposed to your boss’s perspective concerning leadership, work hard to find some middle ground from which to operate. This can be explained as if you are at the North Pole and your boss is at the South Pole. Somewhere on the equator there is a place both of you can stand and not be overcome by the weather, or, in more work-related terms, where you can find some common ground.
This may be a little like the both of you leaving the table with a bad taste in your mouth; however, the taste is acceptable until you can brush your teeth and find nourishment elsewhere. This type of conciliatory approach can ultimately be what saves your job or will make it tolerable for your boss to work with you.
GET OUT OF THE POND AND WATCH THE TURTLES OPERATE
One of the things I think is important for a leader is to climb up on the balcony and take a look down at the organization. The view from above is very different from the one at street level.
With regard to operating under the leadership of others, you may need to pull back and watch how your boss operates. In meetings, does your boss really listen and pay attention to the concerns of others? When there is a conflict, does your boss respect the opinion of others, or does he argue his position and become resentful? Has a pattern developed that would indicate he holds a grudge when you disagree with him? Have your peers lost favor with the boss or been fired for reasons other than work performance?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to look out. The one thing that will be certain is that if you see other ducklings being pulled under the water and you look or act like a duckling, you will most likely suffer the same fate. Remember, you are learning, and the lessons learned are going to save you from the fate that awaits those not paying attention.
FOCUS ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN WORK
If you can’t leave when you find yourself stuck in a job or relationship that is not fulfilling your needs, it may be wise for you to step back from the situation and focus your energies on something other than work. I am not talking about complete withdrawal here but rather concentrating on something that brings you happiness and fulfillment.
No matter what diversion you choose, it may be beneficial to concentrate on something other than work and the fact that your own needs and expectations aren’t being met. Perhaps a renewed commitment to your family, religious beliefs, or a hobby can provide a diversion from your current situation.
Remember, your work life should be just that—your work life. The money you get paid should be used to support some other important thing in your life. However, if your work is your life and you are too far gone to consider a diversion, you may want to start looking for another pond or recognize that you are in your situation because you haven’t learned its lesson. Remember, you are responsible for your happiness.
RESIST THE URGE TO FALL ON THE SWORD
Most of us who assume leadership positions have a certain amount of competitive nature in us—sometimes we view the world from a win-lose perspective. This kind of view sometimes translates into “I will show him who is right and who is wrong.” This type of action usually leads to a bad outcome while doing absolutely no harm to the other person; that, my friend, is a big mistake.
First, you have a duty as a leader to support your organization and subordinates regardless of your boss’s leadership. Finding you cannot support his position is one thing; however, deliberately sabotaging his efforts is wrong on just about every level of human behavior.
Second, and very closely associated with undermining your boss because of a disagreement, is the “take one for the team.” You know what I mean, the people who will fall on the sword just to show their boss who was right.
If you are considering this tactic, ask yourself how this demonstrates leadership to your employees. If you are indeed right about a situation and things are going to go bad because of your boss’s leadership, then this is the time your organization needs you the most.
Falling on the sword is only going to result in your loss, thus satisfying no one. The world will continue to turn, fires will continue to be put out, and ultimately you will just be the guy who used to work here. Someone once told me that if you want to know how much you will be missed at work, place your hand in a bucket of water and pull it out. The hole that remains is how much you will be missed.
SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
Interpersonal relationships are important in all organizational environments. Understanding and working for leaders when we don’t agree with their values or leadership style is something all of us will be confronted with at some point in our careers.
Before you elect to change jobs because of your boss’s leadership, you need to make sure the problem isn’t with you. If the problem is you, then switching jobs is not going to help. If you find yourself in a continual pattern of being unhappy with leadership, it may well be that you are the one who needs to change.
You may need professional help to accomplish that. Being close to the situation may mean you need to find someone with a different perspective to help you see the cycle you are in. Often, simply breaking the cycle will create the learning needed to change the situation.
Remember the ducks that return to the pond each year only to have their ducklings fall prey to the turtles? The point here is, if the same problems occur all the time, changing ponds is not going to help. You must change your behavior in the pond.
MOVE TO ANOTHER POND
When you have tried everything and your expectations don’t match up to reality, or when things violate your value system, it may be a sign that it is time to move on. The important point here is you should not wait until the last minute to find a new pond. The time to change begins early, before you become so comfortable it becomes difficult to change.
A friend explained this to me using the analogy of two laddered buildings side-by-side, with the bottom of the ladders touching each other. As you climb the ladder on one building, you’ll notice you’re getting farther away from the ladder on the other building. Soon, the ladder on the other building is out of your reach. If you decide you want to be in the other building, your only choice is to climb down and start from the bottom of the other building’s ladder.
All of us have watched people climb too high on one ladder and then try to lean out to grab the other ladder. The result is usually a nasty fall. The lesson is not to wait until you are so high on the ladder that it’s difficult to make the climb down and start up on a new ladder. If you find you are too high on the ladder (waited too long), you may want to ride out the discomfort of your situation.
DON’T BURN YOUR BRIDGES
Make no mistake about it, the turtles in the pond talk to each other, and in some strange way you need them. Don’t acquire a bad name for yourself by placing blame for your situation on others. Remember, no matter what the reason, you have no right to place the blame on anyone other than yourself. If you get fired, it is because you waited too long to switch buildings. If you are leaving because your style does not suit the style of your boss, it will be better for both of you. Remember, there are folks who will not agree with your leadership style as well.
Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, resist the temptation to take a parting shot. Remember, it really is a small world and, as my grandfather used to say, “The true mark of a man is revealed in how he acts in the bad times and not the good times.”
Working with other people, even when we understand them, like them, and find they have complementary leadership styles, is not easy. When we don’t understand them, like them, or find their leadership style appealing, it can be intolerable.
The important thing to remember is that you determine your situation. If you elect to work hard and your boss sees you are trying to find a middle ground from which to work, you can usually survive. That said, if you are looking around and your fellow ducklings are disappearing, it may be time to get out of the pond or at least start paying close attention to what they are doing wrong.
So, what is the moral of this story? There will always be snapping turtles at work, so running from their powerful jaws is not an option. Moving aside and letting them go for a weaker duck could be.
If you find yourself a duckling in a pond full of snapping turtles, whether it is your boss, your peers, or even your subordinates, it is important to find a coping mechanism and stick with it until you are older, wiser, and more mature. Or, my personal favorite, find a mentor, someone you feel shares your values, whose extensive wisdom and maturity you can use to help you hone coping mechanisms that will last you a lifetime of wading in ponds with snapping turtles!
C.V. “BUDDY” MARTINETTE is chief of Lynchburg (VA) Fire & EMS, an instructor IV with the State of Virginia Department of Fire Programs, Incident Support Team operations officer, task force leader for Virginia Task Force II of the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s Urban Search and Rescue Program (US&R), and a FEMA rescue specialist instructor. He has a bachelor of science degree in fire administration from Hampton University and a master’s degree in public administration from Troy State University. He is a graduate of the National Fire Academy Executive Fire Officer Program and has received the designation of Chief Fire Officer by the Commission on Chief Fire Officer Designation. Martinette is the author of Trench Rescue, (Warwick House), available at www.trenchrescuebook.com, and lectures nationally on specialized rescue operations and fire service leadership.
