Stolen Wit.
—A small boy having devoured a shoemaker’s awl, a surgeon was sent for, but alas, it was tool ate.
—“No, ma’am,” said a grocer to an applicant, for credit, “I wouldn’t even trust my own feelings.”
—There is one sight in Rome that recalls the national game of poker to the Americans. Tho Call 1 soo ’em.
—“ My lord,” said the foreman of a Welsh jury, when giving in tho verdict, “ Wo find tho man who stole the mare not guilty.”
—An old man, when dangerously sick, was urged to take tho advice of a physician, but objected, saying, “ l wish to die a natural death.”
—A contemporary says defaulting hank presidents generally go to Borne, Switzerland. They deservo to go to burn in an entirely different direction.
—“ Tho single scull race! ” exclaimed an old lady, as she laid down her morning newspaper, ” I didn’t know as they had discovered a race with double sculls!”
— It. makes a boy heart-sick as the winter’s wood begins to loom up in steadily-growing piles in the back yard, and he sees his mother making preparations for organizing him into a ” workingman’s party.”
-The president of a Philadelphia street car company has stolen $15,000,000, and they have only just found it. out. I le is probably the man who first recommended the hell punch for conductors.
A Dutchman was about to make a journey to his fatherland, and wishing to say “ good bye” to a friend, extended his hand and said : ** Veil, off l don’d came hack, hullo.”
—A tramp called at a house on West Hill the oLher day and askcsl for something to eat. lie was so thin, he said, that when he had a pain he couldn’t tell whether it was a touch of the colic or the backache.
I will not learn a trade” exclaimed the young Chicago blood to his father. But this business of learning a trade is only a matter of time, for within a year that young man was studying harness making in the State prison.
—Said a politician to his son. “ Look at me! 1 began as an Alderman, and here 1 am at tho top of the tree, and what is my reward ? Why, when l die, my son will be thogroatest rascal in tho city.” To this the young hopeful replied, “ Yes, dad, when you die—but not till then.”
—Policemen (stopping a hack driver): “ Look here, now, don’t you know there’s an ordinance requiring every carriage to have a lantern at night?” Hack driver: “ sure, sir, what nado have 1 of a lantern at all, at all ? Can ye not see for yurself, sir, that my horse is bloind r ”
—An exquisite, leading a dog by a string, lounged up to the ticket-office window of a railway station and inqur d: ‘‘Must I—aw—take a ticket for a puppy r ” lie was naturally both surprised and annoyed when the ticket seller answered, in a slightly bewildered tone, after a moment’s reflection : “ No, you can travel as an ordinary passenger.”
